Returned to Therapy Today

After a break of over 3 months, I returned to therapy today. I decided to tell my therapist about the increase in my secret debt, but when the time came to talk about it, I still could not be completely honest. I told her that I have $50,000 in secret debt, rather than the $70,000 that I actually have. She said that she does not think any worse of me, and was happy that I disclosed the increase in my debt. I cannot believe that she does not think that I am a complete loser.

I was honest and told her that I am so overwhelmed by the amount of the debt that my only consolation is the thought that if "something happens to me" that my life insurance will more than cover paying off the debt, and take care of my children's futures. This is morbid, I know, and I did assure my therapist that I am not actually suicidal, just very down at times.

She mentioned a book by Kevin Trudeau called Debt Cures that might help me. However, after researching the book, it seems that it is really a scam, just like his Medical Cures book. So, I am not going to buy it. I really wish that there were grants that would help to pay off my debt.

I am going to try to cut up all of my 10(!) credit cards by the end of the month, if I can do it. It will be hard to do, because after making all of my monthly payments, I sometimes need to turn to them to make regular purchases that I should have the money for, if it were not for the credit card payments I make religiously each month. A vicious cycle, I know, but I have to find some way out.

I have started a small home business selling greeting cards and stationary products, and with the holidays coming, I am hoping that I can make at least a couple thousand dollars that I can use toward my debt.

Anyway, I know that no one is reading this blog yet, but it does help me to get some of my thoughts and feelings out via the computer. I have to go to bed now...I must be up early to get the kids off to school. Good night!